This is Daniel and James. Two boys that I babysit. This year James decided he wanted to be a Starbucks barista for Halloween, not batman, not spiderman but a barista. When his mother asked him why he wanted to be that his reason was, “Annette likes coffee so I like coffee”
He should win a prize for the best costume. Everyone got a kick out of it.
James rocks.
The following stories are true
The Sneeze
I was drinking a cup of coffee when I sneezed. I hit my nose on the coffee mug which caused my nose to bleed. Don’t worry, I didn’t get blood in my coffee.
The Mattress
I was looking for a key I thought might be hidden under my mattress. (I often sleep with important objects like keys, credit cards, glasses, or my iPhone) I lifted up the mattress to look underneath, just as I lifted the mattress over my head my weak little arms decided to give out. The mattress hit me on the head causing me to fall backwards onto my back in the middle of my room. Basically, inanimate objects are beating me up. I think they are out to get me.
The Exit
I was at a seminar, there was a guy about to get up and read for an hour from one of his novels. I decided to make an exit because the thought of him reading to me for an hour sounded painful. I casually pretended to have a phone call, got up quickly, and headed for the door. What I thought was an exit turned out to be a closet and I didn’t discover that until I was inside the closet. I couldn’t stay in there so I had to walk out of the closet in front of the entire seminar. I quickly left the room after that.
My favorite song right now is by Kate Miller-Heidke. It’s funny, it’s true, we have all felt this way at some point, and it goes like this..
They say every one should have their heart broken, at least once. That that is how you grow emotionally. Well, I have been misused by many many many men, but nothing can compare to how you treated me.
At times it really felt as though the pain was here to stay. And though it’s many years ago, I feel it to this day.
And now you wanna be my friend on facebook… Are you fuckin kidding me?
All the memories are flooding back to me now. All the ways you stole the light from my eyes.
I travelled so far just to get away from you! Till this mornings friend request surprise.
At times it really felt as though I’d never smile again. You narcissistic ass hole, oh you nasty nasty man.
And now you wanna be my friend on facebook… Are you fucking kidding?
I dont wanna know what kind of cocktail you are or which member of the beatles or which 1950’s movie star. I dont give a toss if you’re a ninja or a pirate, I’d suspect you’d be a pirate but i dont wanna verify it. and I dont give a shit what your stripper name is or if your Kitty had a litter..
Look, just follow me on twitter.
I dont care about your family tree and i certainly dont want you poking me!.. again.
And now you wanna be my friend on facebook…
Click ignore.
7 year old Matthew watched a scary movie with his family. The movie had the abominable snowman in it. A few days later Matthew’s parents were watching the news. Matthew started screaming and freaking out…
Matthew: “I HATE the President!! I hate him I hate him”
His mother: “Why? Sweety what did he do?”
Matthew: “He’s the Obamanable snowman!”
I love her more than I love ipods, cookies, handstands and sweatpants.
I love that when we met 18 years ago we tackled each other we’ve been friends ever since.
I love her even though when we were 5 years old she told me she didn’t want to be friends with me because I wore glasses and had an old lady name.
I love that when we were 11 years old we were pen pals and in every letter she would send me a quarter because she knew I liked gum balls.
I love that when I told her I was sad because I couldn’t be an olympic gymnast she made me play “Olympics” with her which is a game she made up and I won the gold medal.
I love that in high school when I wanted to go on a date with a boy and didn’t want my parents to know about it, she dropped me off and picked me up because I didn’t have my license.
I love that we got in trouble at church for having “Pee Races”
I love that we took pictures of ourselves wearing matching t-shirts while holding apples, olives, and mayo.
I love knowing that when I’m too old to walk on my own, she won’t be able to walk either and we’ll have wheel chair races.
She is one of the greatest, and today I am celebrating her life.
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